Sneaker Waves
Mother’s Day 5/13/12
I walked into the Apple Store & “The Thrill” was blasting. Looking around at the
people, feeling old, feeling young, feeling like it’s good and okay to be me. Just feeling. Period. Thinking how my whole life has changed due to Apple products. I don’t even know where to begin. I’m feeling exposed & open today.
(I want to get on the Genius Bar and get my Coyote Ugly on)
I love the Apple Store. It’s like the Promised Land, a candy shop just for me.
I ended up buying Chloe an iPhone 4 which she has been wanting forever.
(An early birthday present)
I never gave her my old phone. I put it away. She’s been using her old phone
& just the iTouch. She has been so good & we have discussed the iPhone for many months. I weighed the cons & pros. It is something/ a decision I didn’t make lightly. I know what a lot of people will say & the judgement they will place but I don’t care. She has earned it & it maybe it will change her life like other Apple products have changed mine. And what it all comes down to is when she looks at me with those puss in boots eyes. I can’t say no. I let her pick out a phone case she wanted. I just said yes to it all. She started crying. She was blown away. “Mommy I will be so good. I won’t argue with you, I will do whatever you want.” It was really sweet.
I let her know I don’t expect anything in return. A gift is a gift. “Just keep being yourself that’s all I want.” I said.
The guy who helped us & put the screen cover on the phone, said “Wow, you are one lucky girl, it’s Mother’s Day and you get a new phone?” Something about me… I like to do things like this/that for people when they least expect it. I hate “forced” holidays. I love doing & giving presents for my loved ones when I can, it makes me happy. I just want to give. It just feels right, so really it’s a gift to me.
The first song she wanted loaded on her new phone was “Accidentally in love”
she had her headphones on & was just singing her heart out. It was the sweetest thang.
After I paid & all that jazz we left the Apple Store and were on our way.
(Walkin’ with my baby girl down the sidewalk…..
People watchin’ as I’m always in awe in all the different walks of life)
SO Something I can’t get out of my mind. We were walkin’ by a nice store & there were 2 cops harassing a homeless man who obviously had a mental illness and was down on his luck. He wasn’t doing anything but sitting there with his dirty suitcase & muttering to himself while the cops were harassing him & all up in his face. The homeless man said “I’m gonna call the US Marshall on you!” I stood there frozen at first and then told Chloe to get behind me.
Normally I would want to protect Chloe from that sort of thing & I would have kept on walking but something inside me made me stop & speak up.
I said to the cops: (one of them was silent the whole time) Why don’t you leave him alone? He’s not bothering anyone.
To which he replied: Miss this isn’t any of your concern.
Me: Am I not a tax paying citizen? Yes it is my concern.
Cop: He’s dangerous & loitering.
Me: Dangerous because he’s homeless & has possible mental issues? If he had cancer would you be treating him the same way? Is he not a human being? He’s somebody child, do you have kids? What if this was your son. You should be ashamed. What’s your badge number? (I was going off like the 4th of the July) I wonder what the Newspapers would think of this, or Youtube, what if I taped you?
Then he accused me of threatening him & how would I like to go for a ride back to the station for interfering with police business.
I said “Go for it” explain it to my kid, explain it to the World. You should be ashamed. And something I didn’t expect to happen. Both cops just stopped & walked off, red faced. I talked to the homeless man after they left, while his sad defeated blue eyes talked to my eyes. I asked if I could help him, he said he something in a foreign language which I didn’t understand. I gave him some money & a smile and was on my way with Chloe. Fighting back tears, wondering what the hell I just did. Chloe said “Mama you could be a Super Hero, I’m the luckiest girl to have you for a Mama, I love you.” Simple as that.
I can’t stop thinking about the well dressed rapists, child pedophiles etc. that go about their white bread life/lies WHITE BREAD LIES!!!!! While the ones not born so lucky or just down on their luck. sleeping on the streets of the damned. That could as easily be us. I always see myself in the homeless as I walk by. That could be me. While we just walk on by, men in uniforms who are suppose to serve & protect don’t. I’m not saying all police are bad by any means but all it takes is for a few bad apples to upset the American Apple Cart. One if that man knows the cure to cancer but has been thrown away by society & has no one that cares. Have we failed, have I failed? What do we do to fix it, to make it right? I’m at a loss.
We don’t know this man’s story. He could be a fallen solider, he could have been in 9/11, we don’t know. I’m so angry & sad. I want to scream. All this keeps spinning thru my head & he’s just one of thousands, if not more I’m sure.
I’s weird how these so called holidays sneak up on you. Like those sneaker waves
they take you out to the tide & wash over you, taking you to places you didn’t expect while breaking your heart & healing you at the same time.
(It’s safe to say I hate bullies, I know most would say they need love the most but I can’t subscribe to that sorry. I think sometimes people are just cruel, human at its worst, would an animal do that? We’re taught to hate, love comes natural. Hate is a disease that needs to be wiped off the planet)
Chloe & I enjoyed the rest our day & those memories I’m keepin’ just for me.
End Scene.
A peek behind the curtain of Kiley:
Mother’s Day memory from when I was about Chloe’s age.
Random things popping into my head: Me walking miles from my house on Mercer Island down to a drugstore to buy my Mom some clear nail polish. I was 8 or 9? (For Mother’s Day)
I remember when I gave it to her, she threw it across the room. I wanted to cry but I didn’t. It hurt. I wish she just had slapped me but her words & actions always hurt worse.
My whole life I tried to please people who were impossible to please or wanted more than I could give them at the time. I was just a kid but I wasn’t. I was a short breadwinner & continued to be for a long time. I was the life support.
I know my Mom did the best she could. She knows she has issues. She has finally admitted to that. Her Mom wasn’t very nice to her, cruel at times even. The cycle of pain from generation to generation typically continues but it has been my mission to prevent any of that happening to my child. I know it won’t be perfect for her. I can’t protect her from everything, like when some boy breaks her heart someday but I will let her be a kid. I will take care of her like a Mother should. I’m learning as I go. I will carry her and that’s all she needs and love. Love is all we need.
